Almost every woman at some point in her love life will fall in love with a bad boy. From gang members to thugs, from OG to Mac in training, they all have one thing in common: they play the game of love with their own set of rules and if you break the rules you will end up with a broken heart. What is a bad boy? He’s a bully, a bully, and a rebel without a cause. Or it could be the nice guy next door who’s silky smooth but is a cold-hearted scoundrel at heart. Bad boys are the kind of boys your mom warns you about, but because they have a bully appeal, you throw common sense out the window and caution to the wind.
The thing to keep in mind when dealing with a bad boy is that most see women as conquests, something to be captured and conquered. And when the emotion ends, so does the relationship. Although many of you know this, some of you go after thug love in hopes of being the one to change it. In the end, you feel hurt and betrayed. And you know when you have a guy who isn’t acting right because you probably quickly tell your girlfriends what to do the moment their boyfriends start misbehaving. But sometimes it’s easier to tell others what to do than to do what you know is right.
I know firsthand what it’s like to be wowed by a bad boy, because until I learned how to make healthier choices in relationships, I was a bad boy addict. I wouldn’t even look at a boy unless he was a bully with a bad attitude.
But years of emotional roller coasters, baby mama drama, and being cheated on made me wake up and smell the dysfunction. As a result, I developed some common sense strategies that helped me break my bad boy habit. I share them in a spirit of brotherhood, in the hope that they will help you as well.
Why do girls like bad boys?
If you ask most women why they like bad boys, they will say the challenge, the thrill, or the thrill of living vicariously. But often what starts out as a thrilling high-speed adventure ends up turning into emotionally draining melodrama. Bad boys offer a double dose of pain and pleasure. When they are bad, they are very bad, but when they are good they make you feel like you just won the lottery. These are the most common reasons why women like bad guys.
Secret fear of intimacy
If you are attracted to guys you really can’t have, because they don’t want a real relationship or because they are involved with someone else, you may have a secret fear of intimacy. The reason you can find such an attractive bad boy is because you can be with him without letting him get too close. As long as he’s unavailable, he can never get close enough to hurt you.
A subconscious desire to bring dad home
As you already know, the relationship you had with your father shapes the relationships you will have with other men. If you grew up without a father or if he was emotionally unavailable, you may be involved with men who act like your father. You run the risk of getting hurt by being with a bad boy though. You may be hoping that if you stay long enough, he will eventually give you the love you didn’t get at home.
When you feel good about yourself, you set high standards in every area of your life, including your romantic relationships. If you are in a relationship with a guy who lies, cheats on you, talks badly to you, or mistreats you in any way, then regardless of what you want others to believe, you don’t feel good about yourself. When you value who you are, you treat yourself with great respect and demand that others do the same. Know that you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect.
If you’ve ever seen an episode of Jerry Springer or the latest music videos, you can see how the media portrays the bad boy image as every girl’s dream. Popular TV and music videos try to make you believe that it is acceptable for men to disrespect women and then reduce themselves to sexual objects. Think of the video “Big Pimpin” by Jay Z or “Need a Ride or Die Chick” by Lox and you can see how the media promotes the image of the bad boy as the ideal. You don’t have to buy everything the media feeds you. You can make your own decision as to what is attractive and acceptable. There is no good reason to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appreciate or respect you.
Copyright © 2000 by Cassandra Mack